Problems Not Because of Others

Picture of a runner/sneaker

I stopped him immediately because what he was saying wasn’t true.

My husband and I have been working with a trainer for a few months now. He asks for morning sessions as he prefers that time. One week he only had a choice between one morning or one afternoon session and he picked the afternoon time because it worked best for him in that moment.

His session was booked for Thursday at 3pm. Not even thinking about this, he planned supper for his brother and us at that exact same time. Now on the morning of his session he looks at his calendar and sees he has his training session. He starts to react. Frustrated and annoyed he said, ‘see that’s why I only wanted her to book me for morning sessions!’ His problem now was because of his trainer.

Immediately I stopped him and guided him to become aware of what he was doing. I explained a few observations. This wasn’t about his trainer. He had that appointment on his calendar for a week. Initially he did have a choice between a morning and afternoon session and he chose afternoon. He stopped talking about his trainer.  

Once he got past the emotional upset we could now talk about the double booking. We could easily change the time for supper…which we did.  

I share this story (my husband is ok with that) because it’s a great example of what we do when it comes to things that upset us in any relationship. Our issues or problems instantly become about what others did or didn’t do. We think it’s because of them we’re experiencing struggle and conflict. That’s not the case.

Consider this…our upsets involve other people; they’re not because of them.

The moment my husband became frustrated and annoyed, I knew he was reacting to something. Reactions surface for any number of reasons depending on what we’re dealing with in our lives.  

This isn’t about not reacting. This is about becoming aware that we are. Our awareness gives us the opportunity to make new choices, if needed.  

I thanked him for the experience that day and truly believe we both help each other when it comes to learning and growing in relationships.

Wherever you are on your journey, may you find your own truth…find what works for you… and you’ll always be guided to feel at peace inside. 

Sheila Unique, Emotional Intelligence Specialist