The Hidden Cost of Suffering: When Feeling Bad Takes Over

Open suitcase with stuffed teddy bear just hanging out over the edge

We’ve found ourselves needing a newer truck…and with that decision came a flood of thoughts around money.

It took me a few days to become aware that I’d been caught in a spiral of negative thoughts around our financial situation. And yes…I’m being very vulnerable in sharing this.

Shortly after having that awareness…I sat quietly with myself and could feel the energy surrounding me. I kept hearing the words “feel bad.”

That got my attention immediately.

This feeling bad energy had taken hold…and it certainly didn’t feel good.

And then almost instantly…I heard the word suffering.

I realized in that moment that what I was experiencing had very little to do with money…and everything to do with recognizing how quietly suffering can take hold through the feelings we resist.

I was done suffering because of the thoughts running through my mind.

That evening I sat and cried…asking my Divine to help me let go of the suffering.

The next morning after meditation…I took a piece of paper and opened our online banking.

I wrote down the amount in each one of our accounts. I wrote down the amount of cash we happened to have that day…as best I knew.

I then walked over to my husband and handed him the piece of paper…saying I was done suffering over money.

If you can imagine…he was concerned and shocked at the same time.

He couldn’t understand where any of that was coming from.

We were okay financially…so what was going on for me?

What I became aware of was much deeper.

I started noticing any feelings within me that created that same feeling bad energy.

And that awareness surfaced over and over again.

Family…business…self…it didn’t matter.

I was beginning to see just how many places in my life I had been carrying this same energy.

And I was done suffering.

I suddenly realized that underneath suffering…is simply feeling.

When we suffer…it’s often because we’re experiencing feelings that are difficult for us to sit with. Or that they seem too big to deal with.

Feelings we may not want to admit…or even acknowledge within ourselves.

It’s often said that in order to heal…we need to feel.

We need to be willing to sit with what we’re feeling inside…because only then can we begin to move through it.

It was a difficult number of days.

But all I can tell you…is how grateful I am that the word suffering surfaced.

I now have a completely different perspective.

A completely different relationship with my feelings than I did only a week ago.

And I understand more clearly now that suffering often isn’t caused by what’s happening around us.

It’s created through the feelings within us that we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to face.

I truly believe that every time we do our inner work…we’re rewarded by creating space for healing, freedom and a deeper relationship with ourselves.

Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you… find your own truth… and always be guided toward peace within.