Where Confidence Really Comes From

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Think back to the last time you didn’t feel very confident. Maybe you were trying something new or dealing with something that felt really difficult.

Do we need to have confidence before we do something…or do we gain confidence by doing it? And what exactly do we need to have confidence in?

You may recognize yourself in the following experience.

My husband Jimmy was excited to rent a table at a gun show. He wanted to sell some of the non-restricted firearms he no longer needed. While preparing for the show, he discovered there had been changes to the regulations for selling those kinds of firearms. The new rules required prior approval from the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) before any sale could take place.

It didn’t take long for his excitement to disappear. In his mind, it suddenly seemed like he wouldn’t be able to sell his firearms at all.

I could tell something wasn’t right and eventually asked him what was going on. He explained the regulation changes and said he’d have to contact the RCMP directly or go online to obtain approval. Going online meant he would need to learn how to work with a computer.

Since the gun show was on a weekend, he believed his only option was to use the computer. Just the thought of that made him feel overwhelmed and discouraged. He couldn’t see any way of making it happen.

With a little encouragement from me, he began to walk through what he was dealing with.

Together we made a few calls to the RCMP and learned how to access the information he needed for online approval. It was as though a new avenue had opened for him. He began to feel less resistant to working with the computer and more confident about the process ahead.

I asked him what he thought had changed regarding his confidence. Did he need to know everything about computers in order to use one? Did he need confidence in selling his firearms?

Then I asked him something different. As a carpenter, did he need to be confident in carpentry itself, or confident in himself while doing the work?

He thought about these questions and then I added another one…did he simply need confidence in himself to show up in the first place?

Up until that moment, Jimmy hadn’t thought he needed to learn about computers and wasn’t willing to try. In his case, he only needed confidence in himself. That realization was powerful. He discovered a new sense of confidence within himself and noticed he was feeling less dependent on others around him.

It has been my experience that when our partners or spouses are struggling with something, there’s often something for us to learn about ourselves…especially when we’re involved in their process.

I was curious and I asked myself…what was Jimmy showing me about me? Where was I lacking confidence in myself to simply show up?

I noticed there were times when I looked ahead at things I wanted to do and felt myself closing down energetically because I didn’t believe I had the confidence to do them. Becoming aware of that made me grateful for the experience we were sharing. My awareness helped me discover a new sense of confidence I could begin working with.

I share this with you because confidence doesn’t always come from mastering something new. Sometimes confidence appears simply because we were willing to show up and learn. Sometimes it grows because we walked through a difficult situation.

It’s like having confidence in ourselves that we can handle whatever life brings our way. Awareness helps us discover what that looks like for us.

When we approach life knowing we don’t have to understand everything, we remain open to learning from others. All we really need is confidence in ourselves. The rest unfolds naturally in the right time and place.

Confidence doesn’t come from knowing everything. It comes from trusting yourself enough to show up.

Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you will always be guided to feel at peace inside.