What If Worry Isn't Helping Us?

Lighthouse in night with light shining out

Have you ever gone to bed tired…only to have your mind suddenly decide it has something important to figure out?

One thought leads to another. We replay what happened…and imagine what might take place. We wonder what we should have done differently. Before we know it, we’re wide awake…and worrying.

And if we’ve got something important happening the next day, the worry can take on a life of its own.

What if I’m too tired? What if something goes wrong? What if I’m not ready?

The more we think about it, the more difficult it is to settle down.

I experienced this myself when I spoke at three Teacher Conventions in Alberta. After speaking at the first convention, I immediately drove to the next city to speak again.

That night, I woke up after midnight thinking about different ways I could present my material the next day. The information kept coming, so I got up, grabbed a pen and started writing.

I was awake for more than two and a half hours. And then something else happened.

I started worrying about not getting enough sleep. I worried about not having enough energy for my two presentations the next day. I even worried about the seven-hour drive home that evening.

It can be so easy for us to get caught up in fear and worry.

What if I lose my job? What if my co-worker doesn't respond well to the changes? What if the kids get sick again? What if something doesn't go the way I want it to?

Our thoughts keep circling around the same possibilities without actually getting us anywhere.

Are we thinking things through…or worrying?

I feel there’s an important distinction here.

Thinking something through can lead us toward a solution. We consider what’s happening, decide what we can do and then take action.

Worry tends to be different. It often keeps us focused on what we hope doesn't happen, what we wish had happened differently or what we’re afraid might happen in the future.

And the more we repeat those thoughts, the more real and overwhelming they begin to feel.

This is especially noticeable at night. Why?

During the day, we have distractions. Things like phones ringing, people needing us and work to do. There are errands, conversations, television and all the other things that fill our day.

At night, many of those distractions disappear. Suddenly, we’re lying in the quiet with our thoughts…and they seem to become louder.

It’s not uncommon to worry. This isn’t about not worrying. This is about becoming aware of what we can actually do with our worry.

Worry needs somewhere to go

When we keep worrisome thoughts inside our heads, they go around and around without taking us anywhere.

One way we can interrupt that cycle is by getting the thoughts out.

Write them down. Talk with someone we trust. Simply acknowledge what’s running through our minds instead of continuing to replay it.

Once we see what we’re thinking, we have something to work with.

And then we can ask: Is there something I can actually do about this?

If there is, we can take one small step. If there isn't, perhaps we can begin to let go of trying to control the outcome.

Either way, we’re moving out of the endless loop of worry and into a place where we have a choice.

What do we want to experience?

Instead of worrying about what we don't want, what do we want to experience? That question can change the conversation going on inside us.

We move our attention away from the scenario we’re afraid of and toward the experience we want to have.

I learned this firsthand that night in Alberta.

I knew I was awake. I knew the hours were passing. I also knew I had a very busy day ahead of me. I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of the night worrying about being tired the next day.

So I changed my focus.

Instead of worrying about whether I would sleep…I began thanking my Divine for a most restful, healing sleep.

Whenever the thought of being tired came into my mind, I returned to what I wanted to experience. I wanted to wake up feeling rested and energized…ready for the day ahead. And that’s exactly what happened.

We don't have to have all the answers. We don't even have to know exactly how we’re going to get there. We can simply begin shifting our attention toward the experiences we want.

For me, this isn't about pretending everything is going to be perfect. It's about recognizing where our thoughts are taking us and deciding whether that's where we want to go.

Maybe moving past worry isn't about trying to ignore our thoughts or forcing ourselves to sleep.

Maybe it's about accepting what we’re thinking and giving ourselves permission to move toward a different experience…one that leaves us a little more peaceful, a little more empowered and, hopefully, ready for a good night's sleep.

Wherever you are on your journey, may you find what works for you…find your own truth…and you will always be guided to feel at peace inside.